Diary Entry No. 13: Mar. 10, 2000

I wanted to play Pepperdine in the finals. I wanted them to beat Santa Clara in the second round because I didn't want to deal with that crowd and the energies that building has. But I also felt the most comfortable going into that Pepperdine game than the other two, even the one in Spokane. Especially since we were on kind of a roll that if we continued to rebound and play defense like we had the first two nights we'd have a good chance against Pepperdine.

The crowd was something else. To have that kind of support in The Kennel is very unique, but to have them travel all that way and take time and money to come all that way and support us makes us feel important. It allows us to feel something that's greater than ourselves. It's nice to have that energy in the building when things start going right, or when things start going wrong to know the crowd will pick you up a little bit.

Fortunately we didn't hear at halftime what exactly was wrong with Mike (Nilson). I don't think a lot of us knew what had happened until right after the game. It's a harsh realization for student-athletes to realize you are now just students and the athlete part has been taken away. I feel so bad for Mike. He's a brother of mine and I love him tremendously. We've been together five years being a part of this program. What a horrible to have happen and a horrible way for your career to end. That part that struck home with me the most was when we were sitting in the hotel room later that night and he said, "I've got to go find a job." That was like you've been doing one thing all your life, trained to do one thing all of your life and all of a sudden someone takes that from you. It was a hard thing to listen to and a hard perspective to understand. I think that's something we all kind of fear. This wonderful thing we're a part of in basketball is going to be taken away from us soon.

Mike teased a little about the injury. He told me if he knew we were going to play this well without him he would have got hurt a couple of weeks ago. He was in great spirits. I think the team went off the focus that if we could go out and play as hard and intense and focused as he plays every single day, that we'd be able to make up for his loss. To have the individual efforts of Floyd, Spink, Zach and the big dog Calvary down low go to work all weekend was a testament as to how good this team is and hopefully a testament to Nilson because we went out and won it for him.

This year was different because we were expected to win. That's what we've been dealing with all year. It's not only having the bulls eye on our chest, but the expectation that if you lose you failed and it doesn't matter who you play. That's kind of a difficult thing to deal with, and I think this team has done a pretty good job of it overall. I think this title was a little more satisfying simply because we had to face adversity. We didn't win the conference championship, having to play Pepperdine as the best team in our conference and having to play them on Monday night. As far as that goes, I think this one was a little more satisfying. Last year was a magical ride and we kind of cruised through everything and it was kind of a blur. This year we had to fight, claw and scrap and show the kind of character and kind of competitive drive this team has to get that win.

One of the things this team did all weekend was Casey Calvary saying we didn't want to go back to Laramie where we had to go for the NIT two year's ago instead of the NCAA. My whole deal was trying to instill that sense of urgency that there is no tomorrow. Although maybe in the back of our heads there was the security of some post-season play, we really went into that tournament with a sense of urgency that we're going home tomorrow if we don't win tonight. I think that will be the same way in the NCAA Tournament. The NCAA Tournament is such a wonderful thing to be a part of for the kids, as far as the attention as well as competing against the best teams in America, that I'm not going to get caught up in the downside of it that my career could end any game. I'm going to go out and really try and enjoy this tournament.

Last year and this year in the WCC Tournament were so different. Last year I scored 34 and this year I scored 4, so I'm averaging 19 a game. I'm doing pretty well as far as that goes. It was disappointing at an individual level because I didn't shoot the ball real well. When you get on a stage like that you really want to perform, so it's disheartening if you don't. But that goes along with the fact this was a little more satisfying because I did have to fight through it, other players had to step up and I just had to find a way to help out the best I could. That night it was 45 minutes of handling the ball. It was tough individually this year, and when it was all over I was tired. Last year I had the adrenaline rush of having such a good game and I was kind of on cloud 9. This year I was tired when it was all said and done, and I think that can be attributed to the way I played.

I want to play the best. Bring them all on. I don't know where I want to go. It would be nice to stay in the West. I'm happy to be there and looking forward to Gonzaga making some noise in that tournament again.